Monday, 11 March 2013

Turns out European Cows Went Extinct Some Time Ago, Everything is Horse Now

Mmmmm... ponies

Investigations into Europe's recent horse meat scandal has revealed that the majority of meat on the market is pretty much 100% horse since the total extinction of cows last year.

Farmers allegedly just started 'slipping it in' to their shipments to make up for the dead and dying cows that couldn't be eaten. When the cows had all died out and people still hadn't noticed a difference in their beef, they decided to keep on with it.

"Who knew people would be so picky about which dead animal they're eating," groaned Tesco farmer Ronan MacCauley, "Oh well."
Several farmers also admitted to feeding their horses leftover growth hormones from the cows, which 'beefs up' the horse meat, although in reality it caused several weird defects and several more morbidly obese horses.

An anonymous source implied to us that a select few farmers are keeping homeless people in their barns and 'beefing them up', just in case the horses all die too. "Everyone wins," they said, "the homeless want food, and so do the rest of us."

It was actually mass suicide

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