Friday, 1 March 2013

Students Make It Through Clubs Bazaar and Housing Fair With Minimal Casualties

"Umm, what just happened?"puzzled a dazed Clarissa Ellis as she finished her walk across UVU campus. "All I did was pass through that crowd of people, now look at me." Ellis had inexplicably gained a stack of pamphlets, a hat, a t-shirt, various armbands, candy and some sponsored lip balm.

UVU club ambassadors set up camp in the Hall of Flags on Wednesday and Thursday this week to lie in wait for any student foolish enough to make eye contact with them. Students who did so would then be bombarded with flyers, coaxed with cotton candy, and enticed to "spin the wheel.. you'll win a prize, I swear, just come closer, that's it."

Further down the hall, in the PE/LA vicinity was garrisoned with off-campus housing representatives, all trying to convince you that their apartments are not shitholes. However, the lack of candy and enticing prizes to lure in gullible students led to a less successful attack for the housing fair.

Students who made it through spent the rest of the day proudly wearing their battle scars in the form of colorful UVU hats and wristbands. However, some unfortunate pushovers were forced to actually join a club as a survival measure during the assault.

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