“Check out my bare sides and ‘puffy skin’ showing,” said Ellen Foerster, sprawled nude on her couch with a bowl of popcorn. “Maybe I’ll even go wild and paint ‘Susan G. Komen’ on myself.”
|DO NOT LOOK AT THE SIDEBOOB|
Grammy viewers everywhere joined the “Re-Sexify the Grammys” movement after an email sent out by CBS executives on Tuesday requesting that humanity be denied the gift of tits’n’ass during tonight’s Grammy performances.
“Who do they think they are? Trying to be so uppity all of a sudden,” said naked Grammy viewer Nina Clark, “Don’t think we haven’t forgotten J-Lo’s wild little Versace number. How are we supposed to enjoy the show without judging slutty outfits and anticipating nipple slips?”
In fact, the Grammys’ male viewership dropped dramatically when it was discovered that there was little to no chance of a repeat of Rihanna wrapped in a tinsel garland. Sting reportedly tried to throw the public a bone by revealing his own nipples (male nipples being a loophole in the email), but it was reported that no one in the public received said bone, and that, if anything, he made it worse.