Thursday, 31 January 2013

Young Man Called to Provo Mission Wonders What He Did Wrong

OREM - "I'm just doing a lot of soul-searching right now" said David Kemper, 19, Orem after being called to serve in the Utah- Provo mission for the LDS church.

As is common knowledge throughout Mormonism, a mission call to anywhere boring is indicative of grave sins and various personal failings. This theory states that the closer you are to Provo (the epicenter of crappy missions), the lower God's esteem for you.

"Only the truly good get the privilege of converting foreigners, if you know someone who was called to, say, Idaho... let's just say I wouldn't want my daughters hanging around them." stated local bishop Paul Luther.

Kemper, however, has expressed confusion at this call, "I just don't know what I did. I mean, my brother has a tattoo, and he got to go to Russia."

Missionaries unholy enough to be called to the Provo mission have been shown to experience high levels of conditions like 'Mormon guilt', and boredom during the mission.

"We just hang out, wander around BYU campus, talk to students and stuff." said Jenn Anders, missionary currently serving in Provo.
To which her companion, Tammie Sorensen, added, "Basically the same thing we did before the mission".

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