WASHINGTON, D.C.- At his inauguration on Monday, President Obama finally disclosed the reasoning behind his plan to confiscate and stockpile the nation’s guns.
Although the White House officially rejected a recent petition to build a Death Star, the President announced that the Government has in fact been drawing up Death Star plans for the past four years. They are now ready to begin building.
The President proceeded to list the many benefits of building a Death Star, including job creation, something for NASA to do, and the possibility of a high security space prison.
“Of course, we will regrettably be forbidden from naming this project ‘the Death Star’ due to copyright issues. We are currently still accepting suggestions for a new name.” Obama added, acknowledging what is clearly the only kink in his plan.
“We haven’t quite worked out the physics of using Earth-made guns in space” admitted the President, “but it’s no secret that we as a government probably can’t afford to engineer laser blasters at this time.”